i found the key to immortality

you know when you’re looking at a watch’s 2nd hand and it pauses there for WAY too long and you’re like “well shit my watch died, guess i need a new battery” but then your watch breaks out of its’ comfort zone and starts moving again? yeah WELCOME to the  THEORY OF RELATIVES. believe it or not, your watch can grant you IMMORTAL LIFE!! and i found out how with this one simple trick. doctors hate me!

first of all, what most people don’t know is in that split second when your watch hand isn’t moving, time has actually CEASED to exist. time is a man-made construct, and we can control it.

so all you need to do to LIVE  FOREVER  is fill a small room with analog watches all over the walls. sit inside, and look briefly from watch to watch, but don’t announce which watch you’ll be looking at next, so the watches will be startled by your intense gaze. in that way, you can capture the watches by surprise and slow down time, probably forever if you keep a mini fridge nearby and sit on a working toilet.