if you drive in the fast lane…

…there are rules to abide by. a lot of people don’t KNOW these rules, apparently, so i’m here to set the record straight.

1. this is NOT a lane for the SPEED LIMIT. i don’t know how many motherfuckers i gotta tell this to. the laws of california do not apply in the fast lane. if you’re doing 65 mph, first of all WELCOME to CALIFORNIA, and two of all, get the FUCK out.
2. when your speeding in the fast lane (because let’s face it, we all are in a hurry forever) you are the ALPHA of the highway. but sometimes someone is in an even bigger speed for a bigger hurry. now THEY’RE the ALPHA, and yous a bitch. GET OUT OF THE FAST LANE, you’ve been voted out of office. you may return when that big dick alpha is out of sight.
3. if you’re a truck, the middle lane is your fast lane. don’t even FUCKING LOOK LEFT, THERE’S NO MORE LANES FOR YOU HERE. DON’T EVEN SNIFF AT THOSE LEFT-MOST TWO LANES. STOP IT TRUCK.
4. “with great power comes great responsibilities.” – uncle ben, dead old man. when youre the ALPHA, be a kind ruler of your small dick subjects. a benevolent ruler uses their TURN SIGNALS  and graciously allows the lessers to know where their going.

and our last rule…

5. SERIOUSLY GUYS IF YOU AREN’T GOING AT LEAST 75MPH GET THE EVERLOVING FUCK OUT OF THE FAST LANE, I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MANY DUMB MOTHERFUCKERS I SEE IN THE FAST LANE DOING 60 AND THEY HAVE A MILE OF CARS BEHIND THEM THAT ARE ALL IN A  HURRY, THE FAST LANE IS NOT YOUR PERSONAL LANE WHERE THERE’S MAGICALLY LESS TRAFFIC, THERE’S LESS TRAFFIC BECAUSE EVERYONE SMARTER AND MORE SOCIALLY AWARE THAN YOU IS GOING FAST AND YOU CAN’T SEE THEM ANYMORE. GET THE FUCK OUT YOU NARCISSITIC FUCKING ASSHOLE.

thank you, and have safe travels!