…is keeping your stories straight. it’s a vicious cycle and it’s gotten harder to keep up. where was i on tuesday night? who did i see on thurdsay? i’ve been to the same carl’s jr. three times this week. she’s started to recognize me, so i have to drive to the farther carl’s jr. up the hill… they don’t know me yet. i found another jack in the box near work that i can switch off with the J in the B by my house. there are two del tacos within a reasonable distance, i keep those on rotation.
but god i can’t keep it all straight. which taco bell did i go to last night? does that same guy remember me ’cause i’m the only fuckhead in the county who orders two steak crunchwraps and nothing else? and there’s only one little casesar’s close by, so god only knows how many times a week it’s acceptable to go there and pretend to order for a small family on a budget when in reality they know i go home, grab the ranch bucket from the fridge, and eat it all in a single sitting.
i can’t keep it all straight. i’d buy a planner but planning is for architects and engaged women who can’t decide between finally having their dream wedding and actually being married to the insufferable asshole who proposed to them. but goddam one of these days when i pull up to that carl’s drive thru window there’s gonna be a priest there and it’s gonna be a surprise intervention the cashiers threw together ’cause they’re honestly worried about me.
pete n' tony's internet adventure 