picture, if you will, a large angry looking man browsing craigslist’s “missed connections” section with a party size (what i call “snack size”) bag of hot cheetos on his lap. he wears gym shorts and an old t-shirt but he’s hasn’t exercised in who knows how long. i mean, how long does it take a pair of nikes to accumulate a thin film of dust? that’s how long. now get ready, ’cause here’s the shocking reveal: that person you’re picturing is me. but here’s the follow-up shocking reveal, even more shocking than the first because you were expecting one shocking reveals, but TWO? (yes, i watched rian johnsons masterclass course on writing.)
shocking reveal number two, that image was me, but from about two weeks ago. i know because the red cheeto stains on my fingers have finally washed away. and i just found that hot cheeto in my running shoes right this moment. i eat a party size bag of hot cheetos about once every three days, so… it’s not even sure that the nike cheeto was even from my most recent bag. who knows how long that thing’s been in there gathering dust? i certainly would’ve found it if i’d run in the last… two weeks?
anyway, we the jury of the internet find the defendent, peter, guilty of being a 1st degree fat piece of shit.
pete n' tony's internet adventure 