Mission Statement:
“We strive to provide parents, partners, and grandmothers everywhere the opportunity to approximate the fit of clothing purchases upon the bodies of strangers with similar physical stature as their loved ones.”
Company Overview:
About His Size is a shopping services provider that escorts customers through malls and various brick and mortar stores in order to “stand-in” as a body double for the customer’s loved one they are shopping for.
How many times have you been browsing through the fishnet stockings section of Hot Topic trying to contain your visible arousal when a wrinkled walking prune of a grandmother approaches you with a Gwar t-shirt and says:
“I’m shopping for my grandson, but I’m not sure if this will fit him. You’re About His Size, can you try this on?”
And you oblige because you’re Neutral Good alignment, but you can’t help but feel like you just gave away a valuable service for free.
This is where we come in. About His Size provides shoppers with body rentals (“Doubles”) that approximate the height, weight, and posture of the loved ones for whom they are shopping. (For a substantial additional fee, we will match the customer with a Double who kinda looks like their loved one too. This is useful for color matching clothing, trying out new styles, or simply being around someone vaguely familiar when you’re feeling like maybe early retirement was a mistake due to your crippling loneliness.) Our flexible rental plans allow customers to rent by the day or just the hour for smaller shopping excursions. Renting a Double addresses all the problems that may arise when shopping for:
- Surprise birthday/anniversary/holiday gifts
- Kids who prefer their mother’s house to your new “Bachelor Pad”
- Children deployed to Iraq (Ask about our Memorial Day special pricing!)
Products & Services:
Well, I feel like I kind of already explained this in the Company Overview. Google says to detail any equipment or materials needed to provide my goods and services here, so…
Lots of hair dye for getting the Doubles as close to their person as possible. Maybe clip-on piercings or temporary tattoos if the customers really insist on accuracy. That might be it, tbh. It’s actually a pretty slim operation.
Market Analysis & Sales Plan:
This is easily the longest thing I’ve ever had to write. How much more does the bank need to read to know this is a good investment? I’ll assume we’re already shaking hands at this point, but I’ll keep going just in case. Anyway:
Market trends are incredibly optimistic for shopping malls and brick & mortar clothing stores! The study shows that shoppers are tired of the impersonal online shopping experience and same-day shipping and are craving the more hands-on approach of the ’90s.
This means that, now more than ever, About His Size is poised to provide a service that not ONE single business currently fills! Imagine a market share all to yourself–no competitors, no consumer choice, no pressure to innovate. We could be the Disney of shopping services.
Operational Plan:
While About His Size is literally a billion-dollar company in the making, CEO and Founder Peter (me) recognizes that even the mighty oak tree is born from a humble pinecone. Therefore, I will take a hands-on approach until the company starts turning a profit (estimated to be about a month, maybe six weeks depending on the strength of word-of-mouth marketing.)
I will personally recruit boys of average build into my organization for rental by older clientele. To ensure efficiency, employee integrity, and customer satisfaction, I will shadow rented Doubles for the day with a Tippman ’98 Custom paintball rifle with attached scope and custom sniper barrel (see: “Funding Request”) and mark (“shoot”) employees who are not living up to the high standards of customer care that About His Size pledges.
As profits increase and the customer base expands exponentially, I will recruit boys whose body types fall outside the average bell curve of BMI, height, etc. I will charge extra for these boys.
Funding Request:
About His Size will require funding for the following:
- Safety deposit & first 18 months rent on 900 sq. ft. brick & mortar HQ in Downtown Los Angeles
- Employee compensation & benefits (Denny’s coupons)
- Hair dye
- Temporary tattoos
- Temporary piercings/jewelry
- Tippman ’98 Custom paintball rifle
- Paintball sniper scope & barrel extension
- Executive golf cart
Total funding request: $2.7M
Bank routing info: Sent to your inbox rn
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