Scientists have discovered new evidence to support the claim that it isn’t actually your food that ants want. A study that has taken three years to complete has determined that most ants are attracted to the smell of Polyvinyl Chlorides, and the rarer the pressing, the stronger the scent to them.
“We really pulled out all the stops for this study”, says Dr. Thaddeus Crunk, the head Myrmecologist on the study. “I even personally supplied my super rare mono DJ copy of In The Court Of The Crimson King, which was immediately ruined by all of the ants in the study filing the grooves of the record with their semen.”
Using the latest technology, we were able to communicate with a local ant colony and ask the queen about why they so strongly pursue these records.
“What a casual ass question. If you have to ask you’re not gonna get it. Dork.”
After learning this information, we couldn’t help but wonder… if ants are attracted to rare vinyl, what is used to make ant repellant? We spoke with a representative from Raid and they finally spilled the beans on the secret ingredient they had kept under wraps all these years: ground up unsold Hit Clips of Mmbop by Hansen.
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