NFL embroiled in controversy after it is discovered referees are lip syncing

The sports world was shaken by a shocking revelation during Thursday night’s football game between the Ravens and the Bengals. When one of the referees went to make a routine penalty call he found that he had accidentally been given a hot mic, and was shocked when the world heard his true voice.

“I was mortified.”, recounts Darryl Jenkins in the highest pitched voice we’ve ever heard. “We’ve gone to great lengths to hide this from the world and for it to be revealed on the world stage like this… It’s hard to cope with.”

In the past there have been many lip syncing controversies from Milli Vanilli to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but for the issue to have spread to other industries is very alarming.

“I’ve always been self conscious about my voice. In fact at one point I had plans to be a quarter back in the NFL, but after a certain age the kids just couldn’t hear me anymore.” Says Wan’Dale Chikadze, in such a hushed tone that we had to ask him many times to repeat himself. “I’m actually a superstar level talent but the play calling on the field is just impossible for me.”

We challenged him on his claims by having an intern of ours run routes, which Chikadze was able to hit with 100% accuracy. Even when we had our whole crew put pressure on him with no defensive line, he was able to effortlessly dodge all incoming threats and throw some absolute FUCKING BOMBS BRO. What a shame. This guy can’t play in the NFL and Deshaun Watson has the contract he has. Anyway…

We did interview one more official but were unable to relay what he said because his voice was so beautiful that any time he spoke, we immediately began sobbing uncontrollably. A representative for him let us know that he always grew up wanting to be a referee but because of his incredible voice he was never able to announce penalties since he was bringing entire stadiums to tears.

Apparently there were some pretty bad missed calls but we couldn’t really get past the voice thing. Honestly that’s probably what caused the. Whatever the case, it seems like a monumental crisis to address, but all we can hope is that these liars are gunned down in the streets like the dogs they are.